How I’m Learning to Say No Without Feeling Guilty

Woman journaling with tea, practicing self-care and boundaries

If you’re anything like me, you’ve spent most of your life saying yes, to the school fundraiser, the work meeting that coincides with the school run, the last-minute favour, the group text that turns into a full-blown commitment. For years, I said yes even when I was exhausted, stretched thin, or simply needed rest.

But lately, I’ve been learning something that’s changing my life:

Saying no is not selfish it’s self-respect.

Why We Struggle With No

Busy mom planning weekly schedule with too many commitments

For a long time, I thought saying no meant I was letting someone down. I didn’t want to seem rude, ungrateful, or unhelpful. And let’s be honest as a mom, we get a lot of messages that our worth comes from doing everything for everyone.

But here’s the truth: when I say yes to everything, I end up burned out, resentful, and disconnected from the things that actually matter.

What I’ve Learned About Boundaries

I started by getting really honest with myself. I asked: What am I afraid will happen if I say no? And you know what? Most of the time, the fear was just in my head.

So I made a new rule:

If it costs me my peace, it’s too expensive.

Boundaries aren’t walls they’re bridges back to ourselves. They help protect our energy, our time, and our joy.

How I Say No (Without the Guilt Spiral)

If it costs you your peace its too expensive

Here are a few phrases I’ve been using lately that help me stay firm but kind:

“I really appreciate you thinking of me, but I’m not able to take that on right now.”
“That doesn’t work for me, but thank you so much for asking.”
“I have other plans that day, so I’ll have to pass.”
“No, but here’s another option that might help.”

I’ve also stopped over-explaining. It’s okay to just say no. We don’t owe everyone an essay.

What Happens When You Start Saying No

The first time you say no, it’s uncomfortable. But the second time feels a little easier. And then something amazing happens:

You start to reclaim your time, your peace, your joy.

You have space to read with your kids. Take a quiet walk. Drink your coffee hot. Maybe even rest (imagine that!).

And the best part? You start showing up as a calmer, kinder version of yourself not because you’re doing more, but because you’re finally doing less.

My Favourite Support Tools for Setting Boundaries

These are a few things that have helped me stay grounded while I build this new habit:

📘 Book: Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab — life-changing. Buy the Paperback From Amazon or Get the Audiobook
📱 App: I use a guided meditation app that helps me reset when I’m feeling stretched.
✍️ Journal Prompt: Start capturing what sapping your timer and energy, “What am I saying yes to that’s draining me?”
🌿 Supplement Support: I love this magnesium powder in the evening it helps ease tension and supports restful sleep.

Remember: Saying no isn’t about being difficult. It’s about making room for what truly matters.

You’re allowed to choose you. And if you need someone to remind you of that? I’m right here.

— Jenny